Set the worry aside...

Worry.

I heard a quote long ago that I can't seem to find now. (Google fail...) It goes something like, "Don't worry about the things you can't control, because you can't do anything about them. Nor should you worry about the things you can control, because you can do something about them."

That may be an oversimplified view, as there are usually aspects of a worry that you can and can't control. Differentiating between those things is important to getting past the worry I suppose. 

The last day or so has been kind of bad. It's been difficult to differentiate between worry and just bad feeling in the gut. Maybe those are the same things. It's been difficult to differentiate between things I need to do something about and things I need to let go.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, preset your requests to God. And the peac of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Phillipians 4:6-7, NIV)

Notice that it doesn't say God will eliminate the situations. He won't just wipe them away. There are still things we need to work through and deal with. I read that passage as an encouragement to seek help. God may use others to help us work through those situations, but quite often he provides answers through the Bible. 

The bad gut feelings today though are pretty specific. I think they stem from thoughts and concerns I've had before and apparently haven't resolved. 

Not exactly sure why, but I would guess that because I grew up so disconnected from people, that I developed mindsets and perceptions that are heavily conservative in a couple of areas. My circle of influence was very small as I went to a private school and the Protestant church associated with it. 

Those mindsets, specifically in the things I've been thinking about recently, have to do with sex and alcohol. Two areas that I've found myself to be super conservative on, even though I had no idea until I was shown otherwise. 

As for alcohol, it's not that I have any irrational thoughts about drinking. I drink. It'll be a couple beers or glasses of wine every now and then. I don't even mind others getting drunk, really. Personally, I can't. I get physically ill immediately. "Can't hold his liquor" is the phrase applied to me. Which is fine. I don't need to do that. I don't really mind hanging out with drunk adults. They can be pretty funny. 

My issue with alcohol is adults getting drunk around kids. I just get a gut ache about it. When I'm in the situation around other drunkish adults and kids playing nearby, it's not too bad, I'm fine, but hearing about it and immediately imaging a drunk making an idiot of themselves in front of kids makes me kind of sick. But I know that's not usually the case. It's never really the case with anyone that I know even. So where the hell does this stupid feeling come from?! 

It ends up being a mental exercise to think "well, that's probably not what happened" and then eventually forget about it. I just wish it wasn't an issue though. I wonder if it's a trust thing.... I dunno.

And then sex. I realize there can be an incredible difference between sexually conservative and not. And this really isn't about the act itself but rather the privacy of it. I'm a very private person. I don't tell people shit for the most part. But sex usually involves two people. I certainly can't control the action of the other person, but I can share with them that I'd really just rather not have other people know when I've had sex. This is where the "don't worry about things you can't control" thing comes in. It's something I can't control, so in either case, whether she shares it or not, I just need to set it aside. 

Then the other thing that I'm almost over, almost, was where I felt like a failure at that sex. I had 'performed' quite slowly. She called it good self control and in my mind, I thought "I'm surprised myself." :) It may have been a case of tequila dick, but in my mind at the time, I was afraid the plumbing wasn't working. I've never encountered that before. It sucked and almost ruined it for me. It eventually worked and I'm getting over it now. Overall the experience was enjoyable and gave me some very pleasant memories, so it's just some little things that can get forgotten now and worked on to get better at. 

Writing this all out has helped. I'd prayed about it earlier, to 'give it to God' but just writing through the thoughts has helped me set them aside as well.